(Written from my recorded journal tapes.
Almost totally written as recorded
word for word. Tape recorded two months after the first occurrence and
visions, and not yet completed three years later.)
Well, I never
thought I would do this, but the Lord is leading me to place these Mp3
recordings on the Internet. Frankly, I do not like to expose myself like this,
but if that is what the Lord wants, - I guess that's what I have to do. These
are the recordings that I recorded in 1990. Actually it was one recording, but I
had to cut it up because of the length. It would take too much time to download
all at once. I would advise anyone listening to these, to pray first to
the Lord, because you will actually hear the
Spiritual Warfare that was going on while this recording was made. God bless you
all and
may our Lord forgive us and have mercy on us all.
Note:
You should download QuickTime7 for Windows at:
http://www.apple.com/quicktime/win.html to hear these Mp3 files and it is
FREE. If you don't - you will be downloading this file all day. With QuickTime7,
you should be Streaming this file and listening to it within seconds.
Well, I don't know where to begin my story, for it is so long. So, I'll
start on the night before the first appearance of the Holy Spirit. It was
a Wednesday night. I went to a church service and during that service,
I approached a very close female friend and asked her to pray with me,
for we were having problems. As I approached her, I remember her fear as
she agreed to pray. We were both tense, because we were having problems
relating to each other. I knew she cared for me, and she had become very
special to me.
As we were praying, I sensed her fear. I could tell she wanted this
prayer to be over and done with, but I pushed it. For she asked me if we
had prayed for all of my needs, and I quickly said "No." So we
prayed some more and exchanged comments of the feeling we both had for
each other. I was aware of her very personal problems of abuse, she had
experienced in her past, which made it extremely hard for her to relate
to anyone of the opposite sex.
She had mentioned to me, a number of times, that she cared, but was
trying to deal with her problem. Well, with all of this tension, she lost
control. She started to build this wall around herself, and it was extremely
difficult for her to relate or even to talk. I felt her tension, and anxiety.
I can still visualize her nervousness. She didn't want to sit next to me
because it made her nervous, but she did anyway. This tension, fear, anxiety,
and the anger was not directed toward me, but it was directed toward herself.
I could see that she was having a battle within herself and it hurt me.
I hurt down to the gut, but there wasn't anything I could do, and my presence
was making it worse, and it hurt me inside for I didn't know what to do.
Here was a woman who I believe really cared for me and I couldn't reach
her. By this time everyone had left the service and we were still there
trying to communicate. I could tell that she wanted this meeting to be
over, but she and I were suffering through it. When it was finished, she
was a complete wreck. I mean her hands were soaking wet with perspiration
and she was shaking. She just wanted to get this prayer over with, and
she wanted me to go so she could leave, but then, she couldn't move, because
of the distress. So, I got up and left, and she went down to talk to the
pastor. I could see her nervousness by the way she handled herself. I went
to talk to a church member, and then left for the parking lot.
As I was leaving I could see her walking out of the Church with two
others. She was talking and trying to act normal, but I could tell she
was still very nervous. I watched her as I drove slowly away. I hurt inside
as I watched her standing there trembling. What was so unbelievable to
me was we weren't fighting or arguing. We were simply talking about little
things, nothing of any great significance. I drove home and I really felt
bad. That meeting between us was so painful. Well, the next morning I decided
to dedicate my morning prayers to her. That's all I could do, for I couldn't
reach her by talking. She said she couldn't hug or touch because of her
past. She was just out of control and it wasn't like that before. Well,
to proceed with my story. About a month before this prayer time with her
I had been playing this game with the Bible. If I had a problem or question
I would just open my Bible without looking and see if the Lord would give
me the answer. If I remember correctly, I only used the New Testament.
I had been fairly successful in the past in getting answers.
Generally, I opened the Bible and looked at the first chapter of the
page that caught my eye. I ran my fingers through the edge of the pages
of the Bible and opened it. They stopped at the Book of John, chapter eleven,
concerning the death of Lazarus. I read the chapter from beginning to end.
It was nine o'clock, Thursday morning, the day after my special friend
and I prayed together.
I looked to see how the scriptures would fit and apply to her. I had
given her scripture before on the phone or left them on her answering machine.
At times she would tell me the scriptures applied. So maybe I had stumbled
upon something here. As I was reading the chapter, I passed verse forty-four
(where Christ was speaking) and proceeded on, but something told me I had
read to far. I really didn't understand it, but I just sensed I had read
to far. So I back tracked and stopped on verse forty-four. It was the last
verse that Christ spoke about the rising of Lazarus.
From tape Journal as recorded:
My lips are dry and I have been sweating all night and it seems to be
that way every night. I wake up in the morning in a cold sweat with my
mouth dry. Sometimes I can't remember the words I am going to say because
Satan attacks my mind, but I am going to proceed and go as far as I can,
and say as much detail as I recall, and in the order I remember it. For
I know that Satan attacks me when I repeat this story. I have relived these
events many times, but he still attacks my mind. He makes my mind go totally
blank of events just before I recall them.
I can't understand why this happens because I have relived this so many
times, but my mind just goes blank and I know Satan is the cause. Sometimes
he attacks me with anxiety, I shake and sweat with fear. I start thinking
evil things, but I am going to try to tell you as much as I can and as
thorough as I can. I have prayed for the Holy Spirit to help me in this
process. Right now, while I am telling you this I feel...the presence of
Satan. I feel nervous and I am shaking, but I am going to keep on describing
these important events.
My mind just went blank, I can't remember where I left off... Lord Jesus
in the name of Christ. Help Me! Help me proceed. I told you, I was going
to do it, so help me do it. Please help me with my memory. I can't remember
where I left off. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Lord Jesus protect me. In the name of Christ get out of here Satan. I mean
it! In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. In the
name of the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit. Satan get out of here! Lord
Jesus, Lord Jesus Help me right now! Please, I ask you.
Oh my God. I am so thirsty. I am... So...thirsty. It must be three or
four o' clock in the morning, Wednesday, the 28th of July, 1990, I believe
so, for the 26th of July was Monday. I don't know, for so many things have
occurred and happened to me that I can't keep track of time following these
occurrences. Time seems to have no meaning in both the spiritual and physical
world to me lately.
My mind is still blank and my lips are dry. There are tears in my eyes.
I see the sun coming up through my window and through the trees in my backyard.
It's still dark outside, but I can see it coming up. I can't figure this
out. I have always been able to repeat this story at the times when my
mind goes blank, it would come back within a few seconds to a minute, but
boy, this time...
Boy! Is my mouth dry. I seem to get to a point in my memory, then my
mind goes totally blank with anything regarding this story. I mean blank,
almost total amnesia. The evil one's presence is strong tonight. "In
the name of Christ, Lord Jesus protect me! Put a Dome of protection around
my bed like you did that morning." Great, I remember now. "Thank
you Lord."
Back to the Story:
I read the Bible verses, then something struck me that this was important.
I can't explain why or how. You could say a feeling, but I can't put a
word to it. Sometimes it is hard to put words to what I see, maybe it's
because my vocabulary isn't large enough, but what I experience sometimes
is unexplainable in the flesh and extremely hard to describe, for they
are so awesome. I wish I could relate how I see the Colors, the Power and
Forces of both God and of Satan.
But when I read the Bible verses, in chapter eleven of the Book of John,
I was compelled to call her. I knew she was at work, for it was nine o'clock
Thursday morning when this occurrence happened. I felt like a fool, but
I wanted to help her. But I had told her I was going to stay away because
of the tension. This sensation was strong, like, "Ray, why don't you
give her the information, give her a call, give her the chapter and verses?
Maybe you'll do her some good... possibly." So I thought it out and
said, "Okay," to myself. What could possibly go wrong by giving
her the chapter and verses. I called her, even though this whole thing
didn't make sense to me. Anyway, she was at work at nine in the morning
so I called her at home.
Her recorder kicked on, and I said, "This is Ray, read chapter
eleven and verse one through forty-four of the Book of John," and
I hung up. Then I said to myself, "That was strange of me, let's see
what I can get out of this." As I started to read it again, I felt
this Presence, I don't know how I can explain it, but whatever this was,
I had a strong sense to call her back. I don't know for sure what it was,
but I sensed it was extremely important to make sure she got the right
chapter and verses.
I cannot explain this feeling. It just came over me from nowhere. "No,"
I said to myself, "This is stupid. I just left a message a few minutes
ago. She's really going to think I am nuts." But the feeling was so
specific, and since I had already stuck my neck out that far, I said, "Why
not," so I called her back and left this message on her answering
machine, "I don't remember if I gave you the right chapter and verses,
but be sure you read chapter eleven and verses one through forty-four in
the Book of John, it's important." I don't know why I stressed that
it was important, but I did stress it.
Since this whole thing was strange and not at all like me, I said to
myself, "I better read this one more time." So, as I started
to read the book of John, chapter eleven, verse one through forty-four,
I must have read the first two or three verses, then, my God, I felt this
sensation. I was laying in bed on my back and I felt this heat. This heat
went through my heart, down through my legs, and out through both my arms.
The warmth was incredible.
And I started to cry. I started to cry!! (I have to state here that
parts of this section will sound different because, just my trying to tape
record this event, I began to cry again uncontrollably.) I started to cry!!...I
am crying ... and I can't stop!... I can't stop crying to figure out what
was going,... I.. I felt,.. I saw. I saw this sphere, or a Dome of some
sort that instantaneously came out of nowhere. I could see through it.
This protective Dome went from the foot to the head of the bed as I was
laying on my back. All I can say is that I could see through it. It covered
the whole king size bed. My body went into the fetal position and I started
to perspire. Then I realized, it was the Holy Spirit. The awesome Presence
was just over powering. It felt so good, and so odd, all at the same time,
and I felt so alive... I remember thinking, what's going on here? This
was completely new... I have to stop here because I just can't talk right
now for I am reliving it all over again...
Okay, I am back. During this whole thing all I could do was just cry,
but during this crying I saw my female friend. I could see her, or I felt
her, I guess you would say both, I don't exactly know how to explain it,
but my soul went into her body or something like that. I guess, I really
don't know. I experienced the sensations she was feeling, what her soul
was feeling... (I lost control here during this section of the taping and
started to cry.) Oh my God it's so awful... I felt the terror.. I felt...
the agony... the uncontrolled pain. I felt all the bad feelings that she
felt... I just felt them... I just felt them... My God... My God is this
what she was feeling... Help her! Help her! My God.
Then I saw her trying to speak to me and something grabbed her by the
throat. Then I saw some demon, or something. I don't know what it was,
and it said, "I got her and I am not going to let her go. I don't
care what you're going to do. I am not going to let her go!" And during
this vision I was still crying, crying and crying to the Lord as I am seeing
this happen before me in some other place, or world. The demon said, "I
got her by the throat and I have her where I want her, and she's going
to stay here. I don't care what you do, and I am going to keep her."
Then the next vision was of a merry-go-round, the kind you see in a
school play yard. And this demon, whatever it was, was spinning my friend
around and around on this merry-go-round, keeping her off balance. She
couldn't get off the merry-go-round. I could see her trying, but this demon
kept pushing it faster and faster as she moved to the edge to jump, so
she couldn't jump, because of fear and the speed of the merry-go-round.
I could see her move back to the center of the merry-go-round as the demon
pushed the merry-go-round faster and faster. I felt so bad for her and
so helpless. Then the image stopped.
I remember that the demon's face looked like Yoda of Star Wars. It's
face had the same shaped head as Yoda with its pointed ears and small nose.
Then I became aware of my surroundings, I became aware of myself crying
like a baby, not alligator tears, I mean.., I was crying from the depths
of my heart, from my soul. I was crying like a three year old baby that
had been swiped and left bleeding. My crying was totally out of control.
Then my crying changed to a feeling of fulfillment, and I sensed peace
and felt cleansed. I knew it was the Holy Spirit, He had come to show me
this event and release my pain. Things like this just don't happen to me,
because I am the type of person that everything has to be like two plus
two is four.
I remember when I would go to these Christian fellowship meetings. I
would always be the one in the back of the room watching these people speaking
in tongues and say to myself, "Look at these people make fools of
themselves." Because most of them weren't even sincere. They just
were making noises and wanted to be heard. My sister and I used to always
talk about them. We were very judgmental, for they looked so phony, and
I knew they were phony for there were certain individuals that always had
something to say, or saw something that didn't make sense.
Even today I can still see, and say, some people just want to be heard,
they want attention and want to look Christian. Basically, I sat in the
back and watched and observed, and now here, something was happening to
me. My two plus two wasn't four anymore. I have always been a Christian,
at least most of my life. I believe in God, the Father, the Holy Spirit,
and in the Son, Jesus Christ. Now that I think about it, I have had one
or two unusual occurrences in the past, but not like this. My Christianity
was out of control.
Sometimes I say to myself, "I was laying in bed seeing a Dome over
my bed, experiencing the Presence of the Holy Spirit and feeling good inside,
but the only way I could express it, was by crying my head off." "Yeah,
Ray, you're normal." This experience was so awesome, words don't even
come close to explaining it. Words are meaningless for what I am trying
to say or explain. My earthly body, and my mind was thinking, "Ray,
you're losing it, you're losing control." "Something is going
on here, and its not right. You're going out of your mind, a few minutes
ago you were all right. Snap yourself to attention. Get control of yourself."
But all I could do was cry.
I tried to control myself through parts of it, because it lasted, I'll
guess, a half hour to forty-five minutes. My body was sweating, in the
fetal position. I felt the Power, the Glory of the Holy Spirit and it would
not stop. So finally, I took a deep breath and shook myself together and
said, "This has to end." So I got up and went to the rest room,
I was a little dizzy. It was like I had been drinking or something. I soaked
my face and climbed back into bed. I said to myself, "Ray, you're
losing it, something else is going on here. It just...", but I knew
in my heart that it was the Holy Spirit, and... (Boy, my mouth and lips
are dry)
I said to myself, "Get yourself dressed and get something to eat."
(For the past few months, I have been eating chef salads at Jack-in-the-Box,
and I have been losing weight and I have been feeling good.) So I said,
"Get your day going, you have to get yourself together." So I
got dressed, hopped into my car, and drove down the driveway, a little
shaken. I remember I turned left onto La Paloma, a steep down hill street,
and as I reached approximately three quarters down the bottom of the hill
the Presence of the Holy Spirit hit me again.
Oh, my soul... you know, when you want to cry, and you get this lump
in your throat, and you can't explain it. You get a wavering, shaking,
and a feeling in your gut. You try to control it, but you can't. Then this
lump disappears from your throat, and boy, then I started crying again.
I started shaking my head and saying, "What's going on here, what's
going on?" This is not normal. This is not me, I am losing it. I kept
saying, "Ray get control, get control." "What's going on
here?"
I am saying these things to myself, and maybe more, as I drove down
to the bottom of the hill. I sat in my car thinking, "You need to
talk to someone about this." "You're going to have to tell someone,
I am out of control." I was going to the restaurant crying like a
little child. So I wiped the tears from my eyes at the bottom of the street
in front of the stop sign, saying to myself, "What am I going to do?"
So I took a deep breath and tried to control myself.
As I drove into the Jack-in-the-Box parking lot, I saw the car of an
old girl friend. I hadn't seen her in years, but I knew what kind of car
she drove. I said, "This is funny, I had just said to myself that
I needed someone to talk to." My friend is married and has several
children. She was the person who got me back into the Catholic Church,
twenty or so years ago.
I got out of my car and walked, as controlled as I could, into the restaurant,
and saw her back, she was sitting by herself at a booth. There didn't seem
to be anyone else there, so I went up to her and I asked, "Sherrill
are you alone?"
She looked up at me and said, "Yes."
"Do you have a minute to talk?", I said.
"I only have a few minutes because I have to go to work,"
she said. Then she looked at me right in the face and said, "Ray,
you look like you have seen a ghost."
"I think I have," I said. So, I went and ordered my food,
and came back to the table and shared my experience with her.
I have known her for many years and had developed a good friendship
for about three years, before she got married. We used to go to church
together for a long time. We both knew each other well, and we knew where
we both stood in our faith. I told her I have been out of control since
this happened this morning, and I needed someone to talk to.
She said, "You know, every morning I eat at Carl's Jr. in Pinole,
but for some reason I came here, I never have done this before."
I said, "Maybe it was because I needed to talk to someone,"
and we just stared at each other.
Then after talking for a while my self-control came back, and we proceeded
to talk about old times and each others family. Then she left for work
and I left for home. When I got home, my sister was there cleaning up my
house because we were having a few friends over that night, and my son
was helping her.
As I walked up the steps and into the kitchen I saw her cleaning the
kitchen counter. The furniture was all over the place. I found a chair
and I sat down.
I said, "Cristina, something happened to me this morning."
She looked right at me and said jokingly, "Have you been seeing
spirits and visions?"
We always joked around about people with visions. I guess we were being
unchristian, and we were always judgmental. We just didn't believe in that
kind of stuff. I don't know, but when she said that, I felt like she had
stuck a knife in my heart, and I started to cry. I had no control, I mean,
I really started crying intensely. I could feel my soul crying in pain
for what she had said and it hurt me. My son came out of the bedroom with
a look that said, "What's wrong with Dad?"
I said to her, "I don't know what's going on. I just... you know."
Then she came over and put her arm around me, and we started to pray.
It felt good to pray, but I was still out of control again. My son looked
at me with those eyes that said, "Dad's flipping out." I guess
this was about an hour and a half after my first real experience with the
Holy Spirit. So that's where, and how... my first day and evening ended
with the Presence of the Holy Spirit.
The Second visit of the Holy Spirit:
I'll tell you of some other occurrences but I don't know if the order
is correct. So the sequence might not be correct but I will tell it as
correctly as possible. They have been going on for over two months now.
A few days after the first occurrence, I called a friend of mine named
Ann. Ann used to go to the Four Square Church I was attending, but
she stopped going there because they didn't help her. She had a falling
out with the Four Square Church. So she started going to a Mormon church.
This struck me funny, because before she started going to the Four Square
church she was Catholic.
That gives a brief history of Ann, she was
a very charismatic Christian. Well, I called Ann and I told her what had happened. I was telling her
that I didn't understand all of this stuff, and that I didn't know why
this happened and it was really confusing me.
Ann said, "The Holy Spirit appeared because you were praying
for someone else and you weren't praying for yourself, and the Holy Spirit
likes that." She said, "You should feel honored. I wish something
like that would happen to me."
I said, "I didn't feel honored and special. I just felt like crying."
She said, "If it happens again, ask the Holy Spirit, Why? The Holy
Spirit will tell you or you
could pray for an answer."
So I said, "Okay."
So, that very evening, I don't remember if I had prayed for an answer
or not; I just don't remember now, anyway, in my sleep... I just cannot
explain the awesomeness of what happened: I was asleep when the Presence
of the Holy Spirit came the second time. I felt His Presence, and it just
filled my bedroom. It was indescribable, for He woke me up with this Powerful
Force. He filled the whole room and in an instant my body went into the
fetal position again, and started to shake. I knew it was the Holy Spirit
because I sensed it and I started to cry. I mean, I cried again and loud,
but this time the Holy Spirit's Presence was stronger than the first time.
I mean this was strong. I had thought the first time was strong, but this
time it was unbelievable.
The first time was sort of sensations with visions, but this time there
was communication, not in the sense of spoken words, but mind to mind,
or, Spirit to spirit. This was an exchange of thoughts. I wasn't saying
words with my lips. It was sort of talking in pictures. The Holy Spirit
didn't tell me, He showed me in my mind the reasons why He appeared to
me. I just cried through most of the occurrence.
Try to understand this, I was crying,
crying LOUD, but my mind was calm and communicating with the Holy Spirit and I
was in control of my spirit, or whatever you want to call it. But my physical
body, all it could do was cry, and I mean CRY! I don't mean alligator tears. My
body started perspiring in the fetal position. I don't know if this fetal
position was for protection, like in the womb, or for growing, but I knew the
Holy Spirit was in my room and I remembered what Ann had said, "Ask why?"
During this crying experience I got enough nerve to ask, "Why me?
What's going on?" I feel like I am losing my mind."
And the Holy Spirit said to me, "Ray, we are proud of you. You
have been good, don't let your girl friend knock you off balance,"
and the Holy Spirit gave me reassurance.
I said, "Why?, What's going on?"
And the Holy Spirit said, "I appeared because you have done three
things."
I said, "Three things, what did I do?"
Maybe I was getting more confidence, because I felt safe and secure,
like when I talk to a good friend. Or maybe because the Holy Spirit got
my attention with His Glory, but I was still crying LOUDLY.
The Holy Spirit showed me pictures in my mind from October, 1989, the
weekend before the California earthquake. About twenty singles had gone
to Yosemite on a Christian retreat. Most of us went on a hike up to this
waterfall which was two to three miles up this sharp trail. On the way
up the trail there was this young man about twenty-eight years old, He
had a back pack with an eight or nine month old baby in it, and a cute
little girl walking beside him, I guess she was three or four years old.
So our group walked around him because he was blocking the trail and
walking slow and careful because of the sharp rocks all over the trail.
The trail wasn't very defined, but there was a trail. Well, we all walked
up the trail to the top to see the waterfall. We stayed at the top of the
waterfall for about a half hour then we proceeded back down this trail.
I was seeing this in my mind clearly, as if I were there. I was reliving
it all over again. Well, about one quarter mile from the top of the hill
this young man was sitting on this rock. This poor guy was sweating badly
as if he had taken a shower with his clothes on. He even looked as if he
was dizzy. His three year old child was looking over the side of the cliff
and he still had his baby in his back pack. This guy was totally exhausted
and there was no way in the world he could go any farther.
Then, when our Christian group walked around him and kept going, something
made me stop and look back. I could see this guy was in trouble and I really
didn't know what to do, as I looked at him. But I experienced this sharp
pain inside of me, and I knew I couldn't leave him there.
I mustered the nerve and went up to him and said, "Can I help you?"
He looked up at me, his face was all sweaty. There were many people
walking by him and I guess he felt his manliness threatened. He knew he
was stuck on this hill with his two kids. He had reached that point in
his mind where he realized he had done a stupid thing.
I could see him looking at me up and down, because I was a stranger.
Then his pride showed and he said, "No, I am okay. I am just not going
up to the waterfall, its just to hot and sticky."
I said, "Well if you're going back down let me give you a hand
with the kids."
He looked up and down at me again and said, "No, that's all right."
And I said, "It's no trouble."
He paused for a second and said, "Well, all right."
So he got up, and I tied my coat around my waist, because it was very
hot that day and I didn't want to carry it, I reached out and took the
little girl by the hand. He got up slowly and grabbed the other hand of
his little girl, but He still had the other child in his back pack.
So we started down the trail. As we walked I told him I was here with
a few Christian singles on a retreat. Then he started telling me about
what he did for a living and we talked about religion, and stuff like that.
It was just small talk but it made the long walk back to the bottom easier.
When we reached the bottom of the hill he introduced me to his wife and
her family. It took us sometime to get down because we were walking at
a snails pace.
But I relived the whole occurrence again. Then the Holy Spirit said,
"That was the first thing
you did." And I cried... and I cried... I couldn't believe what
was going on here. So I just cried...
The next thing the Holy Spirit showed me was
Patricia. She is a woman that
goes to my church. She's in a wheelchair. I don't know what's wrong with
her, but she always has her arms crossed over her chest. I guess her muscles
tighten up and so do her hands. She also has a difficult time speaking.
She lives in a convalescent home and someone from the church picks her
up for church every Sunday.
This particular Sunday, Randy, a friend of mine, took her to church.
We had been talking outside the church, and if I remember correctly, I
started to help him take her out of his car. On this particular Sunday
there was a special musical concert by some Christian singing girls from
the Los Angeles area, and Patricia wanted to sit in the front row. Randy invited
me to sit with them. (Boy, my mouth is dry) So we wheeled her down to the
front row of the church but there was only one seat left for Randy. So
the only other seat available was behind Patricia, but to the left side of
her.
The church service and the singing began. For some reason
Patricia caught
my eye. I had never really watcher her before, and during the singing I
could see her glow. I felt the Presence of God all over her. I can't explain
this, but by watching her she touched me so. The Presence of God was all
over her face and eyes, and she just radiated, sitting in that wheelchair.
She seemed to be soaking up all the singing. For some reason I couldn't
keep my eyes off of her as I watched her and listened to the songs myself.
She was so in tune to the singing in this church service.
Now, this special group of singers were all young girls, about forty
of them. They ranged in age from thirteen to eighteen, all of them looked
pretty in their red matching outfits. You could see that they all were
in their prime and had all of their lives ahead of them. They all were
lined up along the sides of the walls and across the front of the church.
Well, Patricia just sat there radiating. I tried to sense what she was feeling
in that wheelchair.
Patricia is about thirty years old. I understand she used to be a cheerleader
or something like that in her youth before she was stricken with whatever
she has. Here she was watching these young girls, thirteen to eighteen
years of age, sitting in her body that can't even clap. Like I said, I
just sat there watching her and not paying attention to anything else.
My eyes were fixed on her. I felt the Presence of the Holy Spirit with
her, but remember, this was before I had any real idea of the Holy Spirit's
Power Presence.
After the service, I went over to her and I gave her a big hug and a
kiss and I told her that I loved her. Everyone in this church hugs each
other and most of the time they are phony hugs. So in Christ, I gave her
a big, big loving hug, and I squeezed her tight. I can't explain why I
did it. I just did it..
Then, after the church service, some single friends went to a wedding
present opening party for some recently married friends. That afternoon,
I spent a lot of time with Patricia at this party. Just joking around with
her, I'd tell her she was the wild one, because she was wearing this colorful
handkerchief around her forehead. I remember, she turned, looked at me
the best she could, and tried to speak to me. She said, "This is the
best day I have had in a long, long time." It made me feel good inside
and since that day she became special to me. Then my sister and I left
the party. Then the image of Patricia left, and the Holy Spirit said, "That
was the second thing you did."
Then the third thing was shown to me. For some reason the third thing
kind of perplexed me, for it was such a small thing, but the image began.
It was a night at Gateway, a Christian singles group. My Sister and I went
together this one Monday night. She doesn't go much anymore, but this particular
Monday night she went with me.
They were having a singer from the Los Angeles area. This singer, I
guess, was working her way up north trying to sell her music tapes at mini-concerts
in churches or wherever she could sing. She reminded me of Mama Cass of
the Mama's and Papas singing group. She was big and heavy and she didn't
look very good and she didn't sing very good either. I guess the other
people didn't think she was very good also. I remember telling my sister,
"She isn't very good," but she did sing three or four songs.
When she was finished singing they had an intermission break before
the main meeting. The speaker of the meeting said the singer was selling
her tapes in the back of the room if anyone wanted to buy one. Then the
intermission took place, I looked around and no one moved. They all remained
seated and then they slowly worked there way to the water, coffee, cookies,
and other stuff that was offered, but no one went up to buy any music tapes.
I had twenty dollars in my pocket for gas and that's where it was going.
I can't explain what I did. I just... I saw the singer on stage... just
watching... I don't know... I am a sculptor and artist, Well, I went up
and bought a stupid tape.
And the sales girl asked me, "Which one do you want?"
I said, "Give me any one."
So I gave her my twenty dollar bill and she didn't have change. It crossed
my mind to buy two tapes, but I said to myself, "No way, I need gas
money." So she calls this singer over to the table, by looking at
her face, I could tell she was feeling good because I bought a music tape.
By this time my sister had come back to our table with her water and cookies.
She looked at me, and said, "You bought a tape."
"Yeah," I said.
On the way home she said, "Why did you buy a tape?"
I said, "I don't know."
My sister said, "She wasn't very good."
I said, "Yeah I know, but I am an artist, and I know how I would
feel if I had an exhibit, and no one bought anything. I just felt sorry
for her."
My sister is extremely watchful of her money and ten dollars for a tape
was a lot of money for her. All I can say again is I don't know why I did
it, I just did it.
Then the image stopped and the Holy Spirit said, "That's the third
thing you did." Sometimes it hurts me to say these things, for I relive
the events. Though they were good things I did... and I felt good when
I did them. I just did them for who knows why. Lets just leave it alone,
and move on.
Anyway, during this experience of events I was seeing in my mind I was
still crying through all the visions. Then the Holy Spirit said to me,
through this communication, that I could have anything I wanted.
The Holy Spirit said, "I'll give you anything you want." It
was beautiful. It was just so beautiful hearing that.
For I knew who was talking, and the Holy Spirit said it again, "I'll
give you anything you want, anything," He said," I am
telling you the truth."
I just knew I was sane, and that the Holy Spirit was going to give anything
just for those three things. But this whole thing just didn't make sense
to me, for my body could not accept it. It seemed unbelievable, I didn't
say it, but that's what I felt. So I just started to cry, cry and cry,
and I just cried some more. I felt so good inside, and I couldn't explain
it.
I just cried and cried, but then, all of a sudden, my mind started working
like a super fast machine, and I thought I needed this and that: I want
my business to be successful; I want my house finished. All those things
were running through my mind, and for some reason, I started to cry louder
and louder and louder to the point I couldn't even say what I wanted if
I could.
Then something just clicked and my mind just stopped. I said, "All
I want is to be with you," and I cried and I cried. Man, I just cried.
I said, "I just want to be with you." That's all I said, and
cried... (oh my mouth is dry)
Then the room became quiet. I don't know how it happened? How the Holy
Spirit said it...? The Holy Spirit said: He wanted to hear my confession,
and I was still crying, trying to think what I should confess. I thought
of four or five things I guess, and I was still crying through this occurrence.
I have to keep saying that because my body was in one world, and my mind
or spirit was in another world.
Well, I thought of these sinful things, I guess, and started to say
them or think them. But before I ever started, I can't explain what happened...
As I started to think of them, and to say them, they were erased from my
mind, a very strange feeling. I,... Like I had total amnesia as I started
to say the next sin, and it was erased from my mind. I went through all
of them, and to this day, I don't know what I confessed. Well, I just confessed
everything and it felt good.
I remembered afterwards sweating so much in the fetal position that
my mouth was dry and I had to go downstairs to get a drink.
So, I excused myself to get a drink and said to the Holy Spirit, "I
have to go downstairs and get a drink, for I am thirsty. Really, my
throat is dry,"
I said this, not knowing if it was proper to leave, but I was so dehydrated
my body could not take anymore.
So I got up and walked downstairs to the refrigerator. I got a drink,
but I felt the Presence of the Holy Spirit with me the minute it entered
the kitchen. I can't explain the feeling. I just knew that the Holy Spirit
went down with me. I even saw my own face in the spirit making an unusual
expression. I don't know how, but I was seeing my own face in my mind.
I froze, and I said, "Are you here?"
And the Holy Spirit said, "Yes, I am."
I said, "Oh."
So, I closed the refrigerator door and drank my drink and I felt...,
the word isn't strange, I felt good, but this whole thing of the Holy Spirit
following me downstairs was bizarre, and unusual to me.
As I walked up the stairs, I said, "Are you here?"
And the Holy Spirit said, "Yes, I am."
I climbed back into bed. I felt peace, serenity, and good. I said to
the Holy Spirit, "You know this is new, this is strange, but I'll
do whatever I can, whatever you ask. Just don't give me anymore than I
can take," and the Holy Spirit reassured me. I don't know, but I just
felt good inside and I can't even explain it. I slept really well that
night.
The following Wednesday night, I went to the Four Square church service,
and I became nervous. I felt anxiety, light headed, and my knees felt weak.
After the service, I had planned to talk to my special friend to see if
she had read Chapter Eleven of the Book of John. I saw her walk into the
church, but something influenced me not to talk to her, and to stay away
from her. So after the service, I practically ran to my car and went home.
On the way home I started getting evil thoughts, like I hate this person,
or that I hate my friend for hating me, or for giving me dirty looks. I
had all kinds of stupid things running through my mind that I normally
don't have. So, I started saying, "Satan leave me alone in the name
of Jesus Christ," and they would stop, but they would stop for only
a half second, or a minute. Then they would come back and I would say,
"Satan leave me alone in the name of Jesus Christ," again, then
they would stop once more. This went on as I drove all the way home.
Then, when I drove up the driveway and walked up the steps, I had a
sense to call my friend Kathy. I have known Kathy for maybe a year or so.
I would talk to her sporadically. I had her phone number written down on
the bottom of my singles directory with felt pen in large print. I had
this sense to call her, but I didn't know why. Maybe it was to share this
new experience. So, I walked up to my room to call her. I started to dial
her phone number and I noticed that the last digit on her phone number
was missing.
It didn't disappear before my eyes, but there was a digit missing, and
since I was having these evil thoughts, on the way home, I said to myself,
"Wait a minute, this is certainly not two plus two is four."
I started pacing the floor and decided to go downstairs to my filing cabinet
and look at my old phone bills, and see if I could find her phone number.
It was a long distance call, and I knew it would be there. After I found
the phone number, I went back upstairs and called her. Her mother said
she was out for the evening.
This whole thing was beginning to make me nervous, so, I started pacing
the floor again, saying to myself, "What is going on here?" Something
has happened to Kathy's phone number," I kept telling myself. So I
called my friend Ann, my Christian Mormon friend, hoping she had enough
Christian common sense to help me. I told Ann what had happened, and
that I couldn't understand the reason for the phone number having a missing
digit.
I told her about the evil thoughts, and She said, "You're ministering
people Ray, and Satan doesn't want you ministering to people. That's why
he is attacking you."
And I said, "OH, REALLY." What she said scared and
startled me.
She said, "Let me pray for the Holy Spirit to protect you."
Now, I was starting to get worried. It
doesn't take much to worry me. So, she started to pray. This happened over the
phone at 10:30 PM, after the Wednesday night church service, almost one week
after the first appearance of the Holy Spirit. As Ann started to pray, her
daughter started crying. For I could hear her in the background, but Ann just kept on praying
and her daughter increased her crying.
I said, "Ann I can't hear what you are praying."
So Ann prayed louder into the phone. And
at the same time her daughter increased her crying and she got louder and louder
and louder. Then as her daughter started crying, louder and louder, it got to a
point, I couldn't hear a word Ann was saying.
I said, "Ann you're going to have to scream for I can't hear
you."
And Alice just kept on praying and praying. She stopped for a second
and yelled, "DON'T WORRY, the Holy Spirit can hear me, you
don't have to hear me."
Ann just kept on praying and praying, and I just kept on listening
to all this racket and noise between Ann and her daughter. Then Ann's
daughter got so loud in her cries that finally Ann said, "I can't
take it anymore. I'll have to call you back," and she said, "I
love you," and hung up.
I was really getting confused. I kept saying to myself, "What's
going on here?" Then I had this sensation again, these crazy feelings
that I had to go to minister to my son Steve and talk to him, or something.
I didn't know what, and it was late. He was downstairs in his room, so,
I went down to talk to him to explain why I was crying the week before,
when I had returned from the Jack-in-the-Box restaurant. I wanted to explain
to him what was going on.
I knocked on his bedroom door and he let me in. We have a little black
dog, named Leroy. He kept jumping on me without ceasing. He always jumps
on me, I think its normal for him, but he wouldn't leave me alone. So,
I sat down on the edge of the bed and Leroy tried to lick my face and so
forth, he has always been like that. But he wouldn't let me talk to my
son about the Holy Spirit, and the occurrence that happened the week before.
I kept pulling him off and he kept coming back. I would throw him off,
and he would come back. I thought it was normal for Leroy, because he is
hyper. But I was very serious about telling my Son about the Holy Spirit,
and I was trying to answer his questions, because he was into this L. Ron
Hubberd scientology stuff. And I have been trying to reach him for the
last year or so. I thought to myself, "I might as well try now, since
he is willing to sit here and listen," so I went for it.
As I was talking to Steve, in my mind I said to Leroy, "Get away
from me Satan in the name of Christ," and then, Man!, I could never,
never, never describe this energy source, this Power, this whatever
label you want to put on it. It filled the room with such energy or power
that the intensity felt like I was playing with nuclear weapons. Leroy
just froze in his tracks and backed off.
You know, when you scold a dog and their head goes down, and they give
that sad look. That's the way Leroy behaved, and I didn't say a word to
him. I only said it in my mind, but somehow Leroy read my mind, and backed
off. My son wasn't aware of what was going on in the spirit, as I watched
Leroy from the corner of my eye. I just kept on answering Steve's questions
about the Holy Spirit. Leroy did back off, but for only a minute or two.
Then Leroy jumped onto the floor as I was sitting on the bed, and tried
to lick my face again. I just kept on speaking to my son, and looked down
at Leroy and I said, "Satan, calm down in the name of Christ",
and I felt the incredible energy force. I will never forget that sensation
of Energy and Power. It was just awesome, and Leroy just seemed
to melt right there on the spot, and then he backed off. I believe, I could
have killed our dog just by telling him to drop dead. That's how much Power
was in that room.
My Son didn't sense any of it, but I sure did, and I am more than sure
that Leroy did. The room stayed with this limitless Power Presence until
I left. Like I said, "I'll never forget this Power experience. IT
WAS JUST UNBELIEVABLE!" So, I finished ministering to my Son,
and said to him, "If you ever want to talk some more let me know."
I had told him to read the Bible, and gave him the chapters and verses
that I had given my female friend. After this I went upstairs and laid
down, afraid, and worried about the occurrences.
Before, it was in my dreams, and I was protected. Now, I sensed the
protection was a little looser. This was totally new, maybe I was being
exposed to something stronger now. The attacks were a little stronger but
I only now understand they were actually attacks. I was really frightened,
I didn't know, or understand what was going on. I just couldn't comprehend,
and I have trouble putting it into words.
I called my sister, and told her what had happened. She became scared
and called my brother in the State of Washington, and my parents in Vacaville.
I have no idea what she told them, but I believe they thought I was going
crazy. Remember, all this occurred one week after I prayed for my special
female friend, and after the first appearance of the Holy Spirit.
I was so frightened that I took the singles mailing list and started
calling everyone I could think of, from the top to bottom of the list,
but it was eleven o'clock at night and I only got their answering machines.
I was getting terrified by the things that were going on, and I didn't
know how to protect myself. My Christianity was just out of control. I
kept on dialing all the people I knew, and trying to get anybody to listen
to me.
I needed instructions on how to protect myself, or prayer, or anything
that would help, and I didn't care what it was. Finally I got to the last
person on my list, and it was Ken; he didn't want to talk to me because
it was late for him. I told him it was important, and I told him what happened.
So he started to pray for me, and I prayed for him. After we finished praying
I hung up and I felt at peace. Then I went to bed and tried to sleep.
The next day I contacted Kathy, the girl with the missing digit of her
phone number. I shared with her the events that had happened. We have shared
experiences in the past. We could tell each other anything, and on many
occasions we spent time on the phone knocking down Christians, holy rollers,
and tongue speakers. Kathy has a friend who is involved in this area of
Christianity. I don't believe Kathy's friend is as serious a Christian
as she tries to make people believe; but, we always comment on some things
she does.
Then Kathy said to me, "Ray, you're not turning into one of them
are you?" I said, "I don't know, I can't explain this stuff,
but for some reason, I had to call you, and tell what happened."
She said, "You're serious!"
And I said, "I am SERIOUS!! I can't explain what is going
on, and for some reason, I had to call you."
Then Kathy shared with me, and said, "You know Ray, I have been
very depressed the last two or three days. I have been thinking about suicide,
and no one knows, not even my parents." Then I became silent. She
said, "This really means something, what you're telling me, all of
this stuff."
I said, "You know Kathy, I don't know why I was supposed to call
you, and I don't know what I am supposed to say. I have no answers. You
know this is totally new and strange to me. All I know is that I was supposed
to call you, and tell you what happened to me."
Later that week we made a date to talk. Eventually she went to church
with me.
A few days later, I was talking to my Mormon friend,
Ann, who gives
me Christian advice, and I was telling her that I was waking up every morning
with my T-shirt completely wet from perspiration.
She said, "Well, why don't you pray about it, and see if you get
an answer."
So I prayed that night, and I received an answer in a dream. The dream
was... I mean, I even saw myself singing and praising God. I kept saying,
"Oh God you're so beautiful, I love you. You're so great, you're the
Greatest, all Glory to God." Just one saying after another, I was
doing that all night, and Satan was attacking me, while I was praising
God. I don't know for sure, but I was left with that feeling.
And I guess the Holy Spirit was protecting me, because the Holy Spirit
assured me that I wouldn't be given anymore than I could take. So, He must
have erased the memories of the attacks and praises to God in my dreams.
The only thing for sure was that when I woke up my clothes were all wet
with sweat from the warfare in my sleep.
This made me feel secure, for I sensed the Holy Spirit had kept His
Word, and I was shown what was going on. Maybe the Holy Spirit knew I didn't
have the spiritual strength to withstand the attacks. Now, in looking back,
I could see that I was green; I didn't know anything at all about spiritual
warfare, and I still don't know enough. I couldn't take the blows from
Satan. I was vulnerable and the Holy Spirit just blanked out whatever happened
in the night attacks.
I go to sleep late, and these early morning occurrences are hard on
me. During one on Sunday morning, about 4 A.M., the Holy Spirit told me
to call my special female friend.
The Holy Spirit said, "Tell her you love her, that you care for
her, and tell her your deepest
feelings."
Well, since we had an argument earlier, and weren't talking, and it
was four o'clock in the morning, I said, "No!, No way am I going to
call her, and tell her. I am not going to say such a thing." I felt
strongly about this.
The Holy Spirit said, "Call her!"
I said, "NO!", "I will not do this! I will not
do this! I will not do this!" I said it loudly, "I WILL NOT
DO THIS!!" I fought it for an hour. Then I said, "It's five
o'clock, it's too early."
The Holy Spirit wanted me to call her then, at five o'clock. "This
has to be totally idiotic," I said to myself. I felt like a fool,
and crazy, because I had shared some things with her earlier, and had sent
all her stuff back to her, tape recording, pictures; all with a very nice
Dear John letter. Now a week later the Holy Spirit wanted me to call her,
tell her my innermost, deepest feelings, and tell her that I loved her.
I said, "You've got to be kidding!"
So, I wrestled with this, and prayed about it. I said, "Maybe at
six o'clock." I said, "Maybe at six o'clock."
I hoped I would fall asleep, and this whole thing would go away into
the sunset, but the Holy Spirit would not leave me alone. I tossed and
turned until a minute to six o'clock. I was still awake and praying about
this. I didn't want to do it! I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO DO IT!
It got to the point where, I was going to be obedient, or not. I looked
at the clock, it was 5:59 AM., and I kept saying, "NO!, NO!, NO!,
NO!, Please!, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this! No, Please!
I don't want to do this!" I just kept saying this over and over, and
then it was six o'clock, and I said, "Oh, what the heck!" So
I called her, and her telephone answering machine went on, and I said,
"Hello, it's Ray. We have to talk, but you don't have to talk to me,
but if you want to, call me back, I will understand if you don't,"
And I hung up.
I felt so relieved, the pressure was off. I said, "Oh, I did my
job, it's over and done, I was obedient. I tried, but she wasn't home,
the recorder kicked on." I was so glad it was the recorder and not
her. So I said to myself, "Oh gee, I did my job!" Well, I fell
asleep, and the phone rang at seven o'clock, and I knew who it was.
I said, "Hello," and She gave me a piece of her mind.
She said, "You shouldn't call me at six o'clock in the morning!"
She was trying to act mad, but she wasn't. She was giving me a bunch
of hot air, and I knew it. She didn't have to call me back, but, so she
could keep her self-esteem, I just listened. We talked for about an hour
about our relationship. I told her how awkward it was seeing her in church,
with all the tension, and she said she was working on it. The time came
when I had to open up my heart, and tell her what the Holy Spirit had asked
me to do. I still didn't want to do it. I was debating whether to do it.
Then I said, "I want to tell you something, and I feel very awkward
telling you this."
She became very quiet.
I said, "I love you. I love you with all my heart, and I miss you,
and it hurts me, when I see you in pain. It hurts me to see you making
jokes, and clowning around trying to be funny and cute, because all you
want is attention. I know all you want is love, and for someone to put
their arms around you, hug you, and tell you they care and love you. It
really hurts me to see you that way," and I said other personal stuff.
I remember telling her again how awkward it was, saying these things.
I said, "It's very hard for me to make myself vulnerable about this.
It's very hard," I said. "I am trying to make peace between you
and I, but I am doing what I have to do."
Then there was another moment of silence, and she says, "Ray, for
the last three days I have been praying that you would call."
I said, "WHAT?"
She said, "For the last three days, I have been praying that we
would talk. But I can't call you, something stops me from calling you.
I can't call you."
Then, I was silent. I knew then why the Holy Spirit wanted me to call
her. This was a lesson in obedience for me. The Holy Spirit works in unusual
ways, no one can see the whole picture. Well, that was Sunday morning,
and I saw her in church, everything went well that day, and for the next
few days, but within a week things were back the way they were, with all
the tension, and so fourth. I fought my obedience that Sunday morning,
and my reward was friendship for a few days. It's a shame it didn't last,
but those few days were beautiful. To this day she still calls me, listens
to my voice, and hangs up without saying a word.
A few weeks later I woke up with a dream of going to the Four Square
Church. The problem was that the Holy Spirit had told me not to go to this
particular church three weeks earlier.
The Holy Spirit said to me, "I would like you to stop going to
this church."
So I told all my friends at that church I wasn't going there anymore.
Now, three weeks later the Holy Spirit tells me to go back. I was so annoyed,
I felt like I was being played for a fool. I was having a hard time dealing
with this, yes go, and no don't go to church stuff. I guess the Holy Spirit
is trying to teach me obedience, I had a definite feeling of rebelliousness,
but when Friday morning came and the Holy Spirit said to go back, I said
to myself, "Something startling is going to happen, maybe I will talk
to my special female friend, or see something unexpected."
But I didn't talk to anybody. My special friend didn't go, and nothing
happened; However the sermon was on obedience. Maybe I was supposed to
listen to that sermon, I don't really know. I wish I could understand these
things, and put the pieces together. I wish..., I could put my mind to
work, and see what was ahead. (I am kind of frustrated at the present time,
it's about 9:45 AM., and I really haven't started my day, but I don't know...)
Comments:
(It's strange even now as I type this occurrence three years after the
fact, I feel like I am under attack, and I really have no one to turn to,
I feel so alone. I feel like I am going to explode from the inside out.
Satan is really doing a job on me this minute. Maybe its because I am almost
finished with the first draft of this book. For I am typing the beginning
of the book last. I wish..., I could explain the spiritual attacks, but
there is nothing I can do, but trust in Christ to deliver me. Boy... It
really hurts right now, "Please help me Lord, for I can't take much
more of this.")
Back to the recording tape:
I haven't been feeling strong these last two or three weeks. I have
been dating a little more, doing more things and having a good time putting
this stuff in the back of my mind. I don't know whether that's good. I
went to a dance with a friend, and she's has been a great help. Just being
able to talk to someone about this stuff has been a great help.
These attacks, visions, or whatever you want to call them are beginning
to wear me down; I feel I am losing it at times. The intensity of the occurrences
and the visits from the dark spirits are just unbelievable. I don't know,
something is going on here in the spirit, and I just can't put my finger
on it. I definitely believe its the Holy Spirit, the Father, and the Son;
all three of them, but I know in all rationality Satan is there also.
I am awake right now. I feel strained, but I don't feel bad about my
mental stability. I feel perfectly in tact, but I can't explain this stuff.
All I can say is that there is another world out there, and I think most
people are blind about the devil and things of this nature. You know, they
are so wrapped up in their lives, and things of society, trying to make
a living, that they don't really see the spirit world. I can even say Christians
don't know this stuff. I ask pastors and other members of the body questions
and they either get afraid or they think I am crazy for asking questions
about the spirit world. Because things like this just don't happen. People
read about them in newspapers, or see them in movies and that's where these
type of occurrences are supposed to stay.
I don't know why I am rattling on, I just..., I don't even know why
I am recording this, but maybe something is going to happen to these tapes,
maybe people are going to use them, I don't know. At times the spiritual
things are so intense and nerve racking, but definitely real; I just can't
see the whole picture. But I know I am being guided, being shown certain
things. I see these things just as I am seeing the light bulb in the ceiling
right now.
It's so real, but these things are of another world. For a while, I
denied it, because I thought I was losing my mind. Now, I know the serious
side. The Universe is put together in such an extreme and complex way,
but yet so simple. Simply stated: Jesus Christ, the Father, and the Holy
Spirit, and don't forget Satan. It is basically simple, I believe we are
running out of time, for I have had visions about it, and I really have
never experienced this kind of stuff before.
I have told people about it, but all that happens is I lose so called
friends, and pastors tell me to keep my mouth shut. The physical attacks
are really intense at times, I believe I am in some kind of spiritual war.
I have begun reading the Bible more, and other books, trying to read as
much as I can and as fast as I can. No one seems to have any answers for
me. I started seeing things and experiencing events I cannot explain, and
I am having a hard time trying to stay balanced.
The following Sunday morning I woke up with a vision of Jesus Christ
hanging on the Cross, and somehow I was able to see through Christ's Eyes,
and I can't explain it. There is this young man named Charles that goes
to my church. He has some sort of birth defect. He is small, with a great
personality, and a very sharp mind. I believe he has more brains than a
lot of people I know, and in this vision, I saw Charles singing and praising
God with his hands up in the air, and he was putting his whole heart and
soul into his praises.
I was seeing Charles from above and looking down through Jesus Christ's
Eyes. I could even see the tears in Charles's eyes as he prayed, sung,
and praised with his whole heart. This vision touched me and moved me,
I could feel it in my heart, the intensity of his prayers. I felt like
Jesus removed my spirit from my body, and placed it inside His own Body.
I was sensing what Christ was sensing, seeing what He was seeing, and I
cried. I just cried, I can't explain it, I just cried because I could sense
His love for Charles.
Christ said to me, "Ray," not in words, but through the mind,
"Go tell Charles that I love him. That I love him with all of My
Heart, and when his time comes he's going to be with Me in Heaven. Tell
him that I love his singing, and that I listen to his prayers, and that
I am taking care of him, and watching over him. Now go, and tell him!"
Hey, you have to understand, Ray Aguilera believes two plus two equals
four. And going up to someone and saying, "Hey, I have a message from
God," didn't hit me very well, but I had this strong urge to be obedient.
Somehow, I had to do it, and I didn't know how I was going to do it,
or what I was going to say. I didn't want people to think I was crazy.
I mean, I felt like that, anyway, with all of these experiences, but I
knew they were real. I went to a Covenant Church that Sunday, then from
there, I went to the Four Square Church that Charles was attending. I saw
him out front talking to two men.
I said, "Charles, I have a message for you."
He says, "Hey, Ray, what's the message?"
I looked at the two men, and I said, "Can we talk privately?"
I didn't know what I was going to say, or what I was going to do.
He said, "Okay."
So we walked away from the others, and I said, "Charles, you don't
think I am crazy do you?"
The people in the Four Square Church were beginning to look at me funny,
I was starting to behave differently.
He says, "Na-a-a-h."
Then I said, "Well, what I am going to tell you is going to sound
crazy, and I don't want you to think I am weird, but I have a message from
Jesus Christ."
Then he started to look at me funny, and I didn't know how to tell him.
So, I just took a deep breath, and I said, "Charles, I had a vision
this morning, and it was from Christ."
And Charles said, "Amen brother, Are you born again?"
I said, "No, its not like that Charles. It's not like that. In
my vision, I saw Jesus Christ and you, Charles," and I told Charles
the whole story. He has small eyes, and he looked at me and checked me
out cautiously.
I said, "Christ says He loves you and you're going to be with him
in Heaven."
I knew it touched him, but he didn't believe the source. This
was so hard for me, telling him this, then I started to cry, and his face
changed.
I said, Charles, "I am not lying to you, from the bottom of my
heart that's what happened." Then I saw a tear in his eye.
I said, "Well that's it, Charles," and I walked off and drove
home crying. A day or so later, I called him, and he told me it was confirmed
in church. I don't know how, they do this kind of stuff, this confirming.
It was confusing to me.
Well, anyway, I went to church the following Wednesday night and I found
myself giving prophecy in church. The pastor was asking for prophecy, and
people started raising their hands, and to my surprise my hand went up.
Now, here is this short little Mexican American that sits in the back,
and says nothing, raising his hand; Generally you have the same people
raising their hands, and having prophecies, and here I was with my hand
up.
The sermon was on speaking in tongues, and my hand went up, and I said,
"When you pray, pray from your heart not from your mouth." The
pastor said, "How can you pray if you don't pray with your mouth."
Then he went to the next person. I guess he didn't mean to be mean, but
it didn't sound like he liked what I said, because his sermon was on tongues.
What struck my sister and I funny, was that when he got into his sermon
about tongues, and so forth, he repeated what I had said twice and my sister
and I just looked at each other, I guess the prophecy stuck to the pastor.
I noticed the next Friday night the leader of the church singles group
said, "Everyone should pray from the heart, and not the tongue,"
and my sister and I just looked at each other again, because she knew what
was going on with me in the spirit.
I think I was having anxiety attacks when the next event occurred because
I was told by the Holy Spirit to tell everyone. As a matter of fact, He
told me to tell the single's group on Friday night. I approached the leader
of the single's group and told him parts of what was happening. He was
one of the individuals I had left a message on his answering machine the
night that I experienced the Energy Force in my son's bedroom.
I said to the Holy Spirit I was going to drop it on the leader's lap
because I had no authority in the group. If the leader of the group wanted
me to share, I would share this occurrence, but I didn't want any responsibility
if he didn't want me to share this unusual occurrence. I think the leader
of the single's group thought I was crazy. He wanted to know if I was born
again, and I guess if I said no, I wasn't part of this flock or something.
I was Catholic and everyone knew it, and I have always been sort of an
outsider, being Catholic and all. And here I am asking to speak to the
group, because the Holy Spirit told me to.
During those times, when the Presence of the Holy Spirit came upon me,
I would begin to cry, and its hard to explain, but unless you experience
it, you can't explain it.
The leader said, "Maybe you should take some time and get yourself
together."
I said, "All I am trying to do is be obedient. I don't have any
desire to speak to the group in the first place, but I told the Holy Spirit
I would, and I am asking you to say yes, or no. If you say no, the responsibly
is on you."
So he said, "No."
So, I didn't speak. Since that night the Holy Spirit has told me to
tell anybody and everybody who wants to hear. Well, anyway, I don't know
how I got side tracked.
A week or so later, I was in bed. This was one of the those evenings
that I will never forget as long as I live. I hope I can relate this story,
without getting out of control. I was in bed, about three-thirty A.M.,
and I felt a presence that I thought was Christ; It approached me, as Christ.
The voice sounded the same, but he spoke in a style or manner that felt
different to me.
This voice told me that it was proud of me, that I was doing a good
job in praising and so forth, and that everything was hunky-dory; That
I was a good Christian.
But this voice said I had done enough, "It's time for you to come
with us to Heaven."
I said, "WHAT?"
And this voice said, "Its time to go to Heaven,"
I thought to myself, "The only way I am going to Heaven is to die."
I said, "Wait a minute, I have things to do here, I don't want to
go. I have my business, and I have to finish building my house. I am not
ready!"
And He said, "Well, you don't have a choice! You have done your
duty, and you have your responsibility. It's time for you to go."
The next thing I knew, I guess it was my spirit, for to this day I don't
really understand it, I was on the ceiling of my bedroom looking down at
the parameters of the bedroom. I saw that the bed was made. Now, this was
in the early part of the morning, about 3:30 AM, but what I saw was mid-day
and the room was lit, and I felt the presence of my death. My house didn't
have my presence in it. This is a feeling that's indescribable. I can't
put the words to the feeling, for there are no words to describe the feeling
of your own death, and not only sensing it, but seeing it with your own
eyes.
There was a void in my room. A void in my house, a void beyond my reality,
a real, real, real strange feeling knowing that I was dead. The next thing
I knew, I was back in my bed, and I started getting chest pains. I said,
"Oh, my God, I am having a heart attack." I felt the pain in
my chest, I said, "What am I going to do, as my mind began to race
a mile a minute." I threw the covers off the bed, and I said, "I
am not going! I am not going! I am not ready!" and I started pacing
the floor. I turned on the light. I didn't know where to go, or what to
do!
I was terrified, the realization of dying, and not having any control
over it, and not wanting to die was just so intense. I paced the floor
like a lion in a cage. I kept feeling the pain in my chest getting stronger
and stronger. I kept saying, "Go away pain, go away pain. I am not
going to die, go away! I am not ready! I don't want to go!" Then I
said, "Christ... I have never felt this from you before! I have never
felt this kind of feeling before." So I ran to the phone, picked it
up, and I dialed my sister, and I cried, and I cried, and I cried like
I never cried before.
I said to Cristina, on the phone, "I am going to die tonight. I
am going to die tonight!"
She started getting hysterical. She said, "What's going on?"
I said, "I don't know, I don't know!" Christ said I am going
to die tonight, and I don't want to. I cried into the phone, "I don't
know what to do," and I feel this pain in my chest. I am fighting
it, but I don't want to go."
She said, "Lets pray, lets pray."
I truly believe Cristina helped in saving my life that night!
She started praying and singing, and she said to me, "Sing, sing
Ray, sing. Ray, sing, sing with all of your heart!"
So, I started singing and singing, and praising God. Then this other
Presence appeared, and it wasn't the same as the one which said I had to
die. This was a different Presence. (I even feel dizzy now, as I am telling
you this!) I felt the Presence of God. Christ appeared, as my sister and
I were singing and praising on the phone.
Christ said to me in my mind, "Ray, Satan is going to attack
you tonight."
And I was just bewildered, can you imagine what was going on in my mind,
and I said, "Satan is going to attack me tonight! YOU'RE TELLING
ME, SATAN IS GOING TO ATTACK ME TONIGHT!"
And here I was singing out of control, and questioning Christ all at
the same time, but I knew it was Christ. I can't explain how, I just knew....
I hope it is clear, my nose was running and getting plugged up, and my
eyes were watering, the intensity of just retelling this occurrence is
just overwhelming. My sister was still singing on the phone, and I was
singing with her. Somehow my spirit left and went into this spiritual world,
and my physical body was still in bed... (I am going to turn off the recorder
to blow my nose...). I hope this event is clearer now.
I said to my sister, "Can you hear me?" She said she could.
I said to Christ, "Satan is here!"
Christ says, "I know," in a quiet voice.
I remember, I kept saying, "Satan leave me alone in the name of
Christ, leave me alone in the name of Christ." I kept saying it over
and over, but this evil presence was still coming toward me. I remember
running in this spiritual world as fast as I could. I was running, looking
for a place to hide.
While this is going on, my body is still lying on its back in bed with
the light on praying, singing with my sister, on the phone, and at the
same time, I am speaking in this spiritual world, saying, "Satan leave
me alone." I could see myself running, but there wasn't a real place
to hide. I can still remember that I found what I believe was a closet.
I opened the door and rolled myself into a ball, with my hands over my
head, hoping Satan wouldn't find me, maybe I wasn't saying, "Satan
leave me alone in the name of Christ," with enough faith.
For Satan kept coming, and somehow I understood that Satan knew where
I was. So, as fast as I could, I got up and ran out of this spiritual closet.
I was running for my spiritual life. I was running, and I was running,
and I remember he mowed me down like a blade of grass. When Satan hit me
in the back, I went down, screaming at the top of my lungs. I landed flat
on my face, screaming and yelling to Christ.
I yelled, "I am down!" "I am down!" "Get me
up!" "Get me up! I AM DOWN," "I AM DOWN" "GET
ME UP!! "GET ME UP!!" "I AM DOWN CHRIST, GET ME UP!"
"I AM DOWN!"
I was crying, oh, was I crying. As Christ came to me, I screamed, "What's
going on? Help me! Help me! I am down! Then Christ helps me up!
Then Christ says, "Ray, make yourself strong! Make yourself
strong."
All I could say is, "Satan leave me alone!! leave me alone...!!"
On the phone, I could hear my sister singing at the top of her lungs,
and at times she would start reading scripture from the Bible when her
voice gave out. I was in a battle for my spiritual life! My soul was fighting
one on one with Satan, for its life, and I didn't know how to protect myself.
All I could say was, "Satan leave me alone!!," but my sister
was singing like an Angel, or reading the Bible, and she didn't stop
for a second. She wouldn't stop, I could hear her and somehow I was
singing too in the physical world, but I could see Christ standing on my
left side in the spiritual world.
I was on his right, and I said to Christ, "Satan's Back!! He's
Back!!"
Christ said in a soft voice, "I know, I know."
The feeling of Satan was like sand running through an hour glass, nibbling
at my soul. My sister described it later to me, as the "Pac Man"
video game eating at your soul, but I saw it as sand going through an hour
glass. I was just so afraid, I was so afraid. I mean, I was afraid!
I felt Satan eating at my soul. I ran, and I ran, and I ran in this spiritual
world, and he hit me again, a second time, but this time it was behind
my knees, and he knocked me down. I fell on top of my knees screaming
but Christ caught me by my left elbow as I was falling.
I kept screaming, "I am down again!! I am down again!! I am down,
help me!! Please help me!! I am down!! I don't know what to do.
Leave me alone Satan! Leave me alone! Leave me alone in the name of Christ,"
is all I could say in terror.
I didn't feel pain. This was a different sort of pain. It was... It
wasn't an earthly pain. It was spiritual pain. It was a pain, I don't know...
Like not having the Presence of God. That's the only way I can describe
it, but it hurt. It hurt my soul, that jerk was after my soul, and I was
fighting him the best I could. I didn't know what to do. (I am losing control
again, let me turn off this recorder.)
Well, I am back. I hope it is understandable why I turned off the recorder.
When I repeat this experience, it isn't with the same intensity it was
that night. It's not as bad, but I still relive it. Its the kind of feeling
no one wants to go through, as I was telling a pastor friend, earlier this
week in the church parking lot meeting we had. I was telling him what was
going on and that something had changed in my spiritual walk. He gave me
a term called spiritual warfare.
These are words that Christians use, like interceding, and words like
that. I think ninety-five percent of the Christians of today don't even
know what they mean. I mean, really, really mean. Its like that Word from
God about praying from the heart, and not just speaking it with your mouth.
All these terms seem to go in one ear and out the other for me. This was
so intense, the terms were of no value to me in this spiritual world.
I never heard about spiritual gifts and stuff like that before. I wonder
if half the Christians that talk about them even know what they're saying,
or if they really know what is out there in the evil dark spiritual world.
Sometimes, I wonder if ninety-five per cent of the Christians even know
what Christianity really is. I am certainly looking at it differently.
Here I am in this physical world, and in this spiritual battle in another
world, and even that sounds crazy, but, oh my God, I don't want to lose.
I don't want to lose. Satan, this jerk, was after my soul. And I didn't
know exactly what to do except I knew the Presence of Christ was there,
but the battle was between Satan and me. It helped me to know that my sister
was there singing on the phone, and that Christ was there, but this was
a battle, a personal, intimate battle between Satan and me. I had Christ's
protection, but when you're new at this, like I was, it was sure terror.
Your fighting a mad dog which possesses pure evil, and the words, "Pure
Evil" do not do him justice. He's like a mad dog pulling on a rag.
You pull on this rag and he pulls back. You pull and he pulls harder. You
kick him in the teeth, and he rolls over. You can turn and run, and within
a split second he jumps on your back. Then you throw that sucker off your
back, and throw him on the ground. You can jump on him, and you can jump
on him, and you can kick him, and you can jump on him, and you can kick
him, and he gets up, and jumps on your back again. He barely gives you
enough time to breathe and catch a second breath.
This sucker is pure evil. People think they can say, in the name
of Christ, back off Satan, and that he walks off into the sunset. That's
not the way it is out there people. No way! I have seen it. I have experienced
it. You say it, and he backs off for a half second, or two minutes, an
hour, but he comes back. He does back off sometimes, but it's just enough
time for you to catch your breath, and the sucker is back at your throat.
I find myself saying hundreds of times, "Satan leave me alone in the
name of Christ," everyday now.
He doesn't let off, twenty-four hours a day. For a while he was wearing
me down. I couldn't get any sleep, and then he would hit me in my sleep.
He would hit me while I was driving, the brakes on my car would fail for
some unknown reason, and when I would pray, in the name of Christ, they
would come back. Every time I hop in my car, I have to say, "Lord
put a shield of protection around my car. I ask you, in the name of Jesus
Christ of Nazareth, get me there safe, and get me back." This is a
spiritual battle that is so real, and I have told only the part I have
experienced, but I am sure there is a lot more out there I have not experienced.
Well, I am going to go on, just to give a little background, on what
was going on, and words cannot accurately describe what I am going to tell.
What I am going to say doesn't describe the whole picture, so beware of
Satan. He is out there. They are out there right now, right next to everyone.
The spiritual war is invisible, but it is there also. It's in another world
somewhere, but at the same time it is right next to everyone. Sounds crazy,
but it is true, Satan or his demons are there twenty-four hours a day.
He's helping people do things, and making them think of things that are
not of Jesus Christ. People are doing these sinful things, and are not
aware that Satan is behind it all, and helping the way... So beware! Pray!
Pray to Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, and the Father, and pray.
Back to the story:
During this intense battle, in the early morning hours, with my sister
on the phone, I was running for my spiritual life, and Satan knocked me
to my knees, and I was screaming, "I am down!" I couldn't scream
it loud enough, and I knew that my skylight in my bedroom was open. I knew
the neighbors heard me. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I mean,
I was screaming to the point where I had no more wind in my lungs. And
it was between me and Satan.
Christ was there, in this spiritual world, and my sister was there,
on the phone, in the physical world, so I guess I had both worlds covered
with Love. Christ was with me as I was knocked down. I fell on my knees
screaming. I mean, this little guy was screaming and yelling as Christ
caught him.
I kept saying, "Help me up! Help me up! HELP ME UP, I AM DOWN!
I am down. I am down!!" And Christ said, "Make yourself strong,
Ray, make yourself strong." By this time in the battle Satan had beat
me down to nothing, and I knew there wasn't anything in either world I
could do. So I said, "Christ, you're going to have to do it for me.
You have to do it, because I don't know what to do. Help Me!"
Then I felt this sensation in my chest, I can't explain this at all,
because it sounds weird, people are going to think I am nuts, if they don't
think that already. My chest physically grew in this spiritual world, but
I was still lying in bed singing and crying with my sister on the phone.
But in this spiritual world my chest just grew. I mean, I felt it grow
a foot and a half to two feet out, and I grew two to three feet taller,
and I stood up like a statue made of stainless steel, Like a soldier on
guard duty.
The sensation of immeasurable Power was in me, it was enormous. Then
I felt the presence of Satan coming at me. He came at me like a speeding
bullet. This was a feeling I'll never forget. It felt like I was made into
a cast iron wall, and he came at me like a bullet, and I mean like a bullet,
and he bounded off me, like a marble. He just ricocheted off me. I was
screaming with joy, and started yelling and telling him off.
I said, "You can do anything you want to me, but I'll never forsake
Christ. I am not going to leave Christ. You can give me your best shot,
and I'll prove it to you. I am never going to leave Him, ever!" Then
he came at me hard and straight, but it didn't matter, I didn't budge.
He bounded off me, and I didn't move. I told him, "I told you, I wasn't
going to leave Christ, and I am not going to."
All of a sudden, I was this big and bad guy shooting my big mouth off,
as if I had done something great. I was so stupid for I really didn't do
a thing. It was Jesus Christ that did the fighting, and here I was taking
the Glory. I am sure one stupid dummy, and a fool, all at the same time.
I wonder if I will ever learn who does the fighting and the protecting.
I am the biggest idiot that was ever born!! For a few minutes earlier,
I had my tail between my legs, and running as fast as I could trying to
find a place to hide. It baffles me why we human beings are so self-centered,
and I am right there leading the pack.
Well, I was still in bed singing, and praising God. Then my voice changed
during this song. I am not much of a singer, my sister was really singing
her heart out, and for some reason, my singing voice changed. I don't know
how, some people might call it singing tongues, but I was singing and lying
in bed, and following my sister's song. She wasn't singing any particular
song just whatever came to her head, and I had my lungs filled with air
like a balloon. I just can't describe it, other than that, and I started
singing and praising God, but the last note just kept on going and going.
It sounded like Tarzan yelling in the jungle. Like Barbara Streisand
holding that last note, it just went on and on; but this sound would have
made Barbara Streisand sound like a babbling infant. I am not a singer,
but my voice and the sound that came out just kept going on and on in a
steady long.... sound.
The sound just kept on going and going and going. I mean, when it stopped,
my sister said, "Wow!, Wow! That sounded beautiful did that come out
of you?"
I just said...," I don't know where the wind came from." My
mouth just opened up, and I kept howling this musical note to God with
Praise.
I remember rolling my eyes, trying to figure it out, as the sound was
coming out of my mouth, and thinking when is this sound going to stop,
my body was out of control. This note just kept going and going and going,
it must have gone on for two to three minutes, without me catching a second
breath. I don't even know where I got the air. I cannot to this day tell
you where I got the air, the musical note just went on and on and on and
on.
My mind was still conscious of what was going on, but I couldn't understand
why it just kept
going on.
When I ran out of air, and my sister kept saying, "Wow, Wow! What
was that?"
And then I received another dose of air, and I started singing this
note to Christ again. I don't know how to explain it. My mouth just started
up again for another two to three minutes. I just made this sound again,
then it went away.
Anyway, I was lying in bed and not much was going on during this battle
at this particular time, and I had just finished singing. My sister and
I started discussing what had happened earlier, because for some reason
the battle just stopped. And as we were discussing it, Satan speared me
through the heart, from under the bed, when I was talking to my sister.
The jerk!
I was lying in bed, and without warning, I didn't even feel his presence,
he speared me right through the heart, and I mean right in the heart of
my soul. He hit so hard that it threw my physical body almost right out
of the bed on top of the telephone, and I SCREAMED! at the top of
my lungs. I said, "OH MY GOD! He got me!! He got me!! He got
me!!" and I screamed and I yelled, "The jerk got me, I had my
guard down and he got me, he got me!"
I felt pain, but not physical pain, it was spiritual pain. I remember
I started falling into this place, this... I can't describe it. I can't
say it was a void, because this space, or area was not in the same level
as the spiritual war I had been in earlier. It was..., I had the sense
it was a lower level, or dimension. I felt myself descending into it. As
I descended, I felt my spirit floating down, then for some reason my spirit
stopped. I looked around and saw, and felt this emptiness. I could sense
empty space that went nowhere.
There seemed to be walls there, but not really walls. I remember putting
my hands out and feeling something there, but there really wasn't anything
there. There was some sort of force there, that stopped me from leaving
this particular area. I could scream, but the sound went nowhere. Like
I said, they weren't walls. It was like a room with walls, without walls;
it was some kind of hell. There wasn't any fire. No..., just like an enclosed
room without walls, the agony and the pain was just indescribable.
I don't know if anyone else has ever felt...., Being away from God,
for this place, the Presence of God just did not exist. There was no hope.
Hope didn't exist in this place. Stop, and think about it...., Take a minute,
and just think..., a place without hope, those are just words, but try
to feel it. Try to feel, and sense it, in your heart, and in your
soul, a place like this. I am saying it like this to inform people, to
give them an idea of how it was.
I was out of my mind down there, completely out of my mind. I was screaming,
yelling, clawing the walls that weren't walls, trying to get out. I remember
pushing at them, but the walls pushed back. There wasn't any pain in pushing
them, they were just there, but not there. It's hard to explain, but they
were very real. The whole place seemed to absorb all sound. I could say
it was a pit, but it wasn't a pit. All I can say, it was a lower level
of the spiritual world.
Think seriously about what I am saying, for I believe it is very important.
Don't under estimate the importance of these words. I was in a place
with no doors, no way up, no way down, leading nowhere, and I was alone.
I mean TOTALLY ALONE. I mean to the ultimate of loneliness. I was
alone, no one was going to see me, no one is going to find me, and no one
knew where I was. And all of this doesn't even describe the terror.
Well, I'm not sure my words are being understood. I really don't believe
people could understand unless they were there, and yet it is so important.
I don't know why I am spending so much time on this. But maybe the Holy
Spirit wants me to tell people. Well, listen to my WORDS. Nobody
will ever want to go down there. I MEAN EVER! Because they might
never get out.... and time has no meaning down there. I MEAN, NO MEANING!
Listen to these words, there is no meaning of time, hope, there is no God
down there.
I don't know how anyone could get out of that place. I saw no fire.
I saw nothing but me, in a place that has walls, but no walls. Listen to
me, for God's sake! Listen to what I am saying, watch your soul for that's
all people have. Once it is lost, it's lost, and the abyss, this hole,
or pit, or whatever it is called, it is real! It really is, nobody wants
to go to that place. Listen to me, I have been there with all of my heart,
and soul, I hope people are listening.
If anyone has a thread of Christianity, of faith, they must build on
it. Because that's the only thread of life they'll have. For if they lose
that thread of Christianity, they are lost. If they have a hair, a thread
of faith in God, in the Holy Spirit they must reach for it, and run for
it. Maybe God will use that thread to get them out of there, if they find
themselves in there, they will have to get out as quick as possible. I
believe if this place has a door, and once that door closes, they might
never get out.
I am not trying to scare people. I just want to be honest with them
from the bottom of my heart. I hope I never see them fall into this place.
For I don't know how they would get out. I have no idea if there is another
pit below this one, but if there is, may God forgive us all, may God forgive
us. For the little taste that I felt, I can't even describe it. If there
is another pit of fire and brimstone below this one my heart will bleed
for all humanity. For I have tasted a place I wouldn't want anyone to fall
into.
Back to my story:
I was in this place going out of my mind screaming, yelling, and clawing
at the walls, that are not walls, running around in circles, pacing, trying
to jump, and trying to do whatever I could to get out; crying my soul out,
and crying beyond crying, to the limits of my fear. I prayed to Christ,
and I said, "Christ I am down, your servant is down again. Get me
out of this place! Get me out of this place! Christ, get me out of this
place! I am down!"
And I screamed. I don't know why the neighbors didn't call the
police? I never knew I could scream like that. I had no idea what my sister
thought, listening to this on the phone. I don't even know if she heard
me. The walls and windows in the house were shaking with my yells. I could
feel the intensity, and relief, when Christ pulled me out. I felt myself
rising. I felt the Presence of God once again. I was placed back on a higher
spiritual plane, or Spiritual world.
I don't know if these words can describe the feeling. Try to visualize,
with an open mind, and listen to what I am saying. Maybe the Holy Spirit
can place others there through my words, and help them feel the agony,
torment, and testimony of what was happening to me in this Spiritual World.
Remember, my physical body was still lying in bed crying and singing,
my sister was still on the phone.
Then Christ said to me, "Ray, the end of the world is coming.
It is very, very, very close. I am putting together an army, and I have
chosen you. I am going to give you a helmet. I am going to give you a shield.
I am going to give you a spear."
And He said something else, Christ said, implied or stated either, He
always had an army through time, but I got the impression that he was putting
together a new army. I am not really sure about this, but He was selecting
people to do battle for him.
Christ said, "You're going to do battle for Me." He said,
"You are going to be on the front lines, and you are going to battle
for Me."
I saw a vision of many warriors charging down this dark battlefield
into these clouds. I could see smoke, and we were running, and screaming
just like people see in the movies. But I didn't see the enemy. I only
saw the battle from our side, and I was saying, "Go there, and do
this," and I was in front. I can still see them in my mind, just as
if it happened a second ago. I saw this battle, it was like what people
see in the old Roman days with Soldiers charging wearing helmets, carrying
spears and shields. I kept saying, "Charge, Charge," or something
like that. "Go over there, go over there, do this, and do that."
I don't know if this is true, or if it's my own ego, or pride; I had
a commission of some sort. I was in charge of some people, or soldiers.
I don't know what the term would be. I was giving orders too, "Do
this, and do that." This felt strange, because there I was, in this
Spiritual World, and God was showing me this in another World. So, I was
in this spiritual world seeing in another world. I was seeing a vision,
within a vision of the events that happened.
And then Christ showed me Himself on the Cross. All I could see was
His Face, His Shoulders, and the agony He felt.
He said, "Ray, what you experienced tonight was but a skirmish,
a taste of what I went through on the Cross."
Then I felt His Agony for a second or two. He just gave me a sense of
what He felt.
He said, "It was just a taste of what I went through."
My heart went out to Him. "How could He do this, how could He do
this for us." I just broke down and cried for I couldn't take it,
I mean.... I started crying because I had not really realized what Christ
went through.
He never really shared, in the Bible, to me anyway, what He experienced
or felt on the Cross. He said a few words, "My God, My God, why have
you forsaken Me," saying a few things like that. Now I have a sense
of what He felt and went through. Boy, do I know! It was sure terror, but
He did it for us. I hope whoever reads this journal remembers this. What
I went through was nothing, nothing, nothing at all compared to what Jesus
Christ experienced.
Then the next image I saw was four apostles, and Christ said, "Ray,
see these apostles, they went through the same thing you did. They weren't
great. They were just people like you. There wasn't anything special about
them, outside of their faith. They were people that hurt, that had craving,
lust, hunger, and were cold when it was cold. They were just ordinary people
that followed Me, and did My Bidding. They went through the same thing
you went through."
Then I felt a little of their agony. Now, in talking to Christ, and
not seeing anymore visions, I said, "Christ, I am not worthy, I am
not a fighter, I am not a warrior, or a soldier. I don't have the faith
to do this. You have made a mistake, you have made a BAD MISTAKE.
I have a hard time going from day to day. You are asking the impossible."
Christ was quiet, and didn't say a word....
I was so convicted by His silence that I found myself saying, "Okay,
I will give it a shot. I'll try. I'll do the best I can, but that's all
I can do. I am a sinner, and I am so weak, and you are asking me to do
the impossible, this is the ultimate for me. But if I fall, you better
be there to pick me up, because I am going to fall. I am going to say it
again, you better pick me up, but please don't give me anymore than I can
take. PLEASE! I will stick by you to the end of time, but if I do
fall, or get wounded, please be there, for I am such an extremely weak
person. I'll try to make myself strong, and I'll do my best, but remember
what I just said. Because I know myself, I know Raymond," then the
vision stopped.
As far as I could remember, my sister was still singing and praising,
and by this time I was totally and completely exhausted, do to the warfare.
I couldn't talk anymore, my body was totally worn out. My T-shirt was soaking
wet.
I said to my sister Cristina, "I can't take it anymore, I have
to get some sleep. I have to get some sleep, I am physically worn out."
She said, "No Ray, don't hang up! Please don't hang up! Hang in
there!"
I said, "No Cristina, I'll be okay, I'll be okay."
She said, "No Ray, don't!"
"I'll be okay, trust me," I said.
So, she said, "Okay," and she hung up.
I fell asleep, then Satan came at me, once again in my sleep. He came
in a dream, and in this dream I was downstairs in my Son's room. Now, this
time I was on top of my Son's bedroom ceiling looking down, and saw the
death of my Son. I felt..., I didn't see him, it was during the day, and
his bed was made, but the house wreaked with his death. He didn't exist,
he was gone. I cried, and I cried, and my heart just cried. I said to myself,
"What am I getting into? What am I doing,?" and I cried, and
woke up.
So that was my first battle with Satan, with Christ at my side. I can
still feel the tension, for I can't keep my words straight. Now I know
what the words mean, "Spiritual Warfare." These words I don't
take lightly; since then, I spend a lot of time praying and crying. I felt
so green, inadequate, and insecure. My faith is being tested constantly,
since I first prayed for my special female friend that Thursday morning.
The Mt. Diablo Prophecy.
December 2, 1990,
(It is 6:28 AM., April 10, 1993, tomorrow is Easter Sunday, and I am
going to document the events of what happened on December 2, 1990. I thought
I had recorded it on tape, but I can't seem to find the recording tape.
So I am going to try to recall everything the best I can.)
I was asleep, and the Lord woke me up, and said, "I want you
to go to Mt. Diablo. I want you to anoint the Mountain with oil. There will
be fifteen thousand Angels there, and do not to be afraid for He needed
witnesses. "Announce it to the singles group on Friday night."
My sister and I were going to a Four Square Church which had a Friday
night singles group. So I told my sister about the Prophecy; and the next
Friday night the opportunity to speak developed. I told the Prophecy to
the Church singles.
But the Lord had said, "Do not to tell them the whole story.
Tell them I want people to go to the mountain, and pray, and that fifteen
thousand Angels were going to be there. That's all. You will be led and
protected by the Angels to Mt. Diablo, and do not explain anymore details
until you get there."
The details were that He was going to take Mt. Diablo away from the
devil. That the devil had nine places on the planet he was allowed to use,
or had been using for thousands of years. The places, I guess, were high
places. I really don't know, but Satan would run his operations from them.
I guess Mt. Diablo was one of those places.
He said, "Do not worry who's going. For I know exactly who will
be there." Don't worry if one, two, or a hundred people go with you."
I need witnesses to witness what I am going to do."
He was going to evict the devil from this mountain. Well, this mountain
is located in Contra Costa County in California, on the east bay of San
Francisco.
A Christian friend and I discovered a plaque on top of Mt. Diablo in
1992, which said that Indians used to worship and sacrifice there for as
far back as five thousand years. The mountain has always been associated
with some sort of evil. It's my understanding that a priest, in the eighteen
hundreds, saw the devil there on top of a rock, while he was praying, and
since that day its been called Mt. Diablo (Devil Mountain). I am not really
sure of all the history, but I gave my Prophecy to the singles group, and
stated that we were going there that next Sunday, and if anybody wanted
to go to meet us in the Church parking lot.
I asked the Lord, "Where on this mountain do we anoint it?"
He said, "I am not going to tell you. The person that runs the
sound board at the Church, the person you talked to several weeks ago about
Mt. Diablo, he knows exactly where to anoint the mountain. And anoint the
ground wherever he tells you."
During this particular time, I was getting all kinds of static from
Church people. They were starting to look at me as if I were crazy. They
thought I was getting weird. I was getting calls from people in the church
telling me to shut up, and that I was going to get reprimanded, and to
keep my mouth shut about all this stuff. What was so funny, this was supposed
to be a solid Charismatic Four Square Church. I was getting all kinds of
static from friends, but I didn't care, I did whatever the Lord said.
Two days later on Sunday, December 2, 1990, my sister and I went to
Church, not knowing who was going to be there, or if anybody was going
to be there.
The Lord said, "There will be music. It's going to be a Day
of Celebration in Heaven, and on the Earth. I am going to reclaim the nine
places on earth, that Satan occupies, and has been using for thousands
of years. People are going to be healed on this Day, and there are going
to be miracles all over the world, and I need witnesses for this event."
So my sister and I drove to Church not really knowing if we were going,
or if the sound man was going. I had not spoken to him in several weeks,
and we didn't know where this special place was, that the Lord wanted anointed,
because this young man was the only person that knew. I was afraid to talk
to him about it because of all the commotion over the Mt. Diablo prayer
trip. I knew there was a lot of talking going on in our inner circle of
single friends in the Church, on what we were going to do at Mt. Diablo.
It did cross my mind that the sound man might have heard all the commotion
about Mt. Diablo, and would not show up. However, when my sister and I
got to the Church he not only knew where we were going, but he had drawn
a map, and had made copies for whoever wanted to go.
I called a few people before Sunday's trip, but no one seemed to be
interested in going to the mountain. So my sister said, "Maybe its
going to be only you and I." So we waited, and people started showing
up, we wound up with ten people, five men, and five women. I believe there
were five different Churches represented.
The Lord said, "There's going to be music."
But of the nine people there, no one had anything that represented any
kind of music. There were only nine people at first so we waited as long
as we could, and then left at the end of a caravan of cars. As we were
driving out of the church parking lot, we saw Doug, from the singles group.
My sister said, "Stop the car!, There's Doug." So we turned around
and went back into the church parking lot.
We pulled next to Doug's Van and he approached us. He asked if everyone
had left for the mountain. We said, "Yes," and that we had returned
for him. He asked if he could go with us. We said, "Yes." Then
He asked if it was all right if he took his guitar because the door on
his Van wouldn't lock, and he thought someone might steal it. My sister
and I just looked at each other, for we knew the Lord had said there would
be music. We smiled at each other and said, "Why sure." I knew
my sister was joyful because everything was happening just like the Lord
had said; Right down to the music, and all this was happening before our
eyes.
So we rushed to catch up with the others that had left. We all got there
at the same time, and the sound man led the ten of us up this mountain
trail. I remember this one young lady that complained all the way up. She
kept saying she wasn't going to go another step. She didn't want to go
any farther, and complained about this and that, and she went on and on.
She made such a stink about the distance that she almost talked the sound
man into stopping and anointing any location on the mountain, other than
the one which the Lord had wanted.
I said to the sound man to go wherever the Lord told him even if it
was higher up the trail, no matter what. It got so bad with this young
lady's complaining, pouting, and making a stink, that one of the other
women stopped, and walked slowly with her as the rest of us proceeded ahead.
She was complaining because originally the sound man had stated that it
was only going to be a quarter of a mile up a well defined trail, and it
turned out to be about two miles of walking up this mountain trail.
On the way up some of us sang songs praising the Lord, and Celebrated
as we walked. Well, we got there, and I shared with them what the Lord
had said about the Angels, and we all gave some sort of a testimony of
why we had come up to the mountain. Then I told them the reasons the Lord
had wanted us there. That He was going to reclaim this mountain. That there
were going to be signs and wonders all over the earth on this date.
I explained how the Lord had said, "Buy a bottle of olive oil,
and do not to break the seal until the mountain is going to be anointed.
The oil should be poured onto the ground in the shape of a large Cross
in the direction that the sound man wanted. He will know where to pour
the oil onto the ground and its direction."
So I asked the sound man, "Where do you want it?" And He said,
"I believe it should be in this direction, and facing that way."
So after we prayed, and anointed each other on the forehead in the name
of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, I took the bottle of oil and
poured the rest onto the ground in the shape of a big Cross in the direction
that the sound man wanted.
Then the Lord said, "Turn the bottle upside down at the head
of the Cross, and to leave it there upside down on the ground, and let
all the oil soak into the ground."
So I did it, and we started to sing songs. Then the sound man said,
"I believed we should go to the edge of the embankment, and look toward
the west and clap our hands, for the devil doesn't like the sound of hands
clapping. So the ten of us moved to the edge of the embankment, and started
clapping, facing toward the bay side of the mountain, and we clapped, cheered,
and whistled. Then one of the young ladies said that the Lord was going
to give everyone the desires of our hearts.
We were standing there clapping into the air, and my sister started
screaming and yelling as we looked into the sky. She said there was a rainbow
in the sky. This was about two o'clock, Sunday afternoon, December 2, 1990.
I remember seeing nothing but dark clouds in the sky. It hadn't been raining,
but there was a group of dark clouds in the western sky. But when my sister
started screaming and jumping up and down everyone got excited, and started
looking into the sky.
What appeared out of nowhere was a small rainbow. It wasn't a full rainbow,
it was just a very small rainbow. Everyone looked, and looked, and no one
could see it but her. Then someone else saw it. Then before long everyone
saw it. Then everyone went crazy with screaming, yelling, and praising
the Lord. Out of nowhere another small rainbow appeared, and we all really
started yelling, screaming, and jumping. We were actually seeing wonders
in the sky. Then a third one appeared. There was a total of three small
rainbows near some clouds as we watched the larger dark clouds move away
toward the south. These three little rainbows remained still in the western
sky in the direction of the sun.
The ten of us just went crazy over this whole thing. It was just so
unbelievable. We all could not believe what had appeared out of nowhere
as we looked in the direction that the Cross was pointing, toward the west
at the edge of the embankment. It was crazy, and fulfilling that afternoon
on Mt. Diablo. We were all excited for we saw a miracle, and Doug, who
brought the guitar, happened to bring his camera also. So he was able to
photograph one of the small rainbows. This gave us proof that we didn't
make it up, and a confirmation of what had happened. We also took pictures
of all of us on the mountain. It was an amazing afternoon.
The Lord said to me, "I needed witnesses," and I am proud
of this little group that came here. You have been obedient. I love you.
You have touched My Heart. I needed witnesses to witness the eviction of
the devil's forces from Mt. Diablo. The same thing will occur all over
the planet at all nine locations. December 2, 1990, will be the beginning
of the Great War in Heaven, and on Earth. The beginning of the end is at
hand. Now Satan is the devil of the sky. For he now has nowhere to lay
his head."
I remember when the ten of us were walking back to our cars, there was
a different atmosphere around us. We were all happy and joyful, but there
was a silence, for we knew what we saw and had experienced. We really didn't
know what was meant by the saying, "Look at the sky." And here
years later, I still don't really know.
I didn't even know that the devil had nine territorial work places on
the planet. About six months later one of the young ladies, that had gone
with us up Mt. Diablo, found an article in a Christian magazine stating
that there was a group of Christian people that back packed into the bush
country of Australia, and anointed a large devil rock. It was done weeks
after we had anointed Mt. Diablo. This article she found gave us another
confirmation of what the Lord had said was true. It was maybe weeks later,
but it took them awhile to get to this devil rock.
That was only two of the confirmations. We also heard on the radio news
that the oceans tides were unusually high that Day, and they didn't know
why. There were also announcements on the radio news that people were seeing
unusual lights in the night sky for about a week. I was even lucky enough
to see one of these night lights in the sky.
I know we shared this experience with one pastor, but he never commented.
I have shared it with other pastors since then, but they look at me like
I am nuts. But we ten people who went to the mountain that afternoon know:
"That something happened."
But all the Lord kept saying to me was, "Look to the sky. Look
to the sky."
During this time I was really starting to get some strong pressure from
this Protestant Four Square Church I was going to. I was being shown things
I had never seen before, and basically the pastor kept saying to me, "Never
mind what you're seeing or hearing; you're talking to demons. Listen only
to me for I am your spiritual authority." It sounded like he kept
saying, "Listen to me only, don't listen to God," is how I took
it. "Listen to us for we know what is best for you."
This mountain prayer trip happened on Sunday, December 2, 1990, after
Church. Then on December 3, 1990, the following morning at nine o'clock,
I was sleeping, and I was awakened, and the next thing I knew, my mouth
starts speaking in strange tongues. Let me explain something here, (I)
this fellow, at this time in his life, didn't believe in tongues, prayer
language, or whatever you want to call it. I remember this one pastor kept
telling me to ask for tongues because it would help me in whatever was
happening to me, months before I'd received this gift of tongues.
I told him, I didn't believe in it, and that I didn't need it. But he
said I did need it, and to record everything that happened because I would
forget it. And now at nine o'clock in the morning December 3, 1990, my
mouth starts making all kinds of weird sounds. I never asked for it. I
never prayed for it. I didn't even believe in it, and for the next six
hours, I just started speaking in different languages. I recorded it because
this pastor told me to keep a journal, so I kept this pocket tape recorder
next to my bed, because so many things were happening, and so fast, I didn't
know what to expect next.
The Lord just woke me up, and I started speaking in tongues for two
hours. Then He would let me sleep for two hours, then He would wake me
up, and I would speak for another two hours. Then He would let me sleep
for two hours. Then wake me up, and I would speak for another two hours.
This went on for three days. I didn't go to work. I didn't get out of bed
except to go to the rest room, I don't remember even if I ate. But for
three days I spoke in all kinds of languages. I can't even remember how
many languages there were.
But I did document some of the Prophecies that were given to me that
day. This whole thing was bizarre, but real. My Christian walk took another
step in a direction that I didn't want to go. I don't understand tongues.
I know at times they lift my spirit up, when the enemy knocks me down.
This stuff is just overwhelming, but now I find myself praying for hours,
and hours in tongues. I pray more in tongues than I pray in English. I
guess my spirit knows what it needs. I never was very good at prayer.
Then the pressure from the Church increased because of the Prophecies,
and the Visions, and stuff like that.
Then the Lord said to me, "Type and mail copies of this Prophecy
out."
After this request, things really got hot for me at the Four Square
Church. For I did it, and mailed them where He requested. The actual Prophecies
in tongues started on December 3, 1990, the day after I went to Mt. Diablo,
with five women and four other men to be a witness, and see our miracle
of three little rainbows.
For me personally, I know what the truth is. That's for me, but others
have to decide for themselves. I don't know when this stuff is going to
stop. I remember a Pastor told me that sometimes it goes on for two or
three days, maybe a week, but its been three years, and the Satanic attacks,
the Visions, the Prophecies, and all kinds of personal miracles just seem
to keep on going.
I remember, in the summer of 1992, when the Prophecies were coming two
to four a day the spiritual warfare was so intense that I found myself
in constant prayer due to the demonic attacks. I used to seal my house
every night with a hedge of thrones soaked with the Blood of Jesus. And
I prayed to the Lord to coat the walls and the ceilings with the Blood
of Jesus. During this time I had rented a room to a man named John. One
particular week we went to a midweek church service. John, my prayer partner,
and I stopped at a restaurant to eat after church and John proceeded to
tell us that he was having a hard time sleeping the last three days. He
said he was afraid that I was going to get mad at him. He said that he
kept seeing Blood come out of the walls and out of the new rug in his room.
He would get towels and try to soak up the Blood, but could not because
it filled the whole room. He would have to go outside and wait for hours
until morning because he was afraid and thought I would make him pay damages
for the new rug, but the Blood would be gone in the morning.
I remember looking at my prayer partner and thinking of my nightly opening
prayer and by his look, I knew he was thinking the same thing. Later John
shared with me that he had experienced other spiritual things in his past,
once was when his wife almost died. I was amazed because this was the first
time I had ever heard of someone seeing exactly this type of prayer appear
before their eyes.
Examples of other things that have happened:
1. I was in an auto accident where my car was hit solid in the side
and nothing happened to my car.
2. Praying for a water well and having the ground shake a week later
without warning, and having water flood my backyard from some unknown water
source, in the summer during a statewide drought, and the water company
analyzing it and stating it wasn't theirs.
3. Money arriving at the right time, and at the right place.
4. People helping with equipment and knowledge.
5. Post Office workers paying for the postage, for the Prophecy mailings,
and so many other things have occurred that I am not recording, that I
cannot explain.
The attacks from Church leaders, from old friends, even family members.
Walking alone, and
feeling alone, even though there are many people interceding for me,
even people I don't even know, this whole thing feels very strange.
An added note: Of the ten people that went to the mountain, because
of the Church's persecution and the Church's reaction to the Prophecies,
five of the ten people that went up to the mountain disassociated themselves
from me.
For the head pastor started to actually lie, saying things about me
that were not true without giving my name. One Sunday the assistant pastors
surrounded me, and told me they weren't going to let me in church unless
I submitted to the head pastors authority, and to keep my mouth shut. The
head pastor even tried to get me arrested at one point at a church member's
home.
That's my story. Read the Prophecies, Discern, and Judge, and Pray,
and Pray that the Lord will reveal to you the Truth, because it's not my
Word. I haven't the brains to put it together because to much came to fast,
and I really can't write very well. I guess that's all, God bless you.
This is the photo of one of the three rainbows on Dec. 2, 1990.
e-mail: Ray@prophecy.org
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Aguilera, PO Box 20517, El Sobrante, CA. 94820-0517, USA.
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Well, I never
thought I would do this, but the Lord is leading me to place these Mp3
recordings on the Internet. Frankly, I do not like to expose myself like this,
but if that is what the Lord wants, - I guess that's what I have to do. These
are the recordings that I recorded in 1990. Actually it was one recording, but I
had to cut it up because of the length. It would take too much time to download
all at once. I would advise anyone listening to these, to pray first to
the Lord, because you will actually hear the
Spiritual Warfare that was going on while this recording was made. God bless you
all and
may our Lord forgive us and have mercy on us all. 
To help support this ministry by purchasing one of our painting
